goat man

Was that you or the other goat man we fed that bale of tangy hay to after that spicy mushroom pizza ?

Leprecat

After a horrible experiment gone teriibly wrong my team of scientists at the Center of Useless Research have realizes that to plaster a cat to an ambidexterous leprechaun can be a daunting task when using distilled peanut butter and honey glazed sundried gauze pads.
Donations for the detachment procedure can be mailed to:
Ralph Bonoparte
suite 6715 28th Floor
***** Blvd
Washington DC

Zundo

Strolling through a crowded shopping area is predictably mundane; at least that?s what I thought until i met Zundo the gnome on the eve of November 17th. He was truly a pitiful sight. Yet seeing him lying in his own drool gripping his beer can for dear life aroused my mercy and so after carting him off in my subcompact we began a truly fascinating afternoon of binge drinking and psychotherapy. We discussed our childhoods and we found that even though Zundo had grown up beneath a tree trunk on the outskirts of the North Pole and i had grown up in downtown Newark we could still be best of friends.
So now from the time i awaken till i drop at night i am shadowed by an attention deprived drooling grouchy gnome who refuses to wash his clothing. Now normally alcoholic gnomes really dont bother me, dont get me wrong i do not endorse alcoholism. Nevertheless i desperately need a bigger apartment. if the situation goes on like this for much longer i fear that i may find Zundo gnawing at my sweaty sneakers and chasing the mailman with that rusty toilet snake that he loves to play with.
I think i'de better stop here before i get hit with a defamation of charachter suit by the Union of Trolls for a Better America.

Trip to greece

so i saved up money and now its time to plan a vacation. so we've got the vacation house in greece with the jacuzzi and the keg and the crate of seaweed.
and yet i find myself at newark international airport ready to board my flight to a long awaited getaway and find myself frozen with fear.
what would big Al say? how could i explain my way out of this? imagining him standing before me with his firm stare and his hair so shiny pointing that environmental finger at me and waving it around at my inconvenient luggage.
but then i think "hey i could just board his private jet and we could cut our carbon footprint by loading onto his sleek jet instead of a big gas guzzling jetliner... right?